There’s an old adage that even a blind pig finds a truffle sometimes. The saying also applies to those suffering from depression. Every now and then, we’re surprised by a good day. Our condition hasn’t vanished. It never fully goes away, lingering in the shadows even on the brightest of days, trying to lure us back into a dark place. But on some lucky days, the stars all align and everything seems to miraculously fall into place. The last day and a half has been one of those days.
The evening before last, my first television interview aired. I had been worried about it honestly. We had filmed for over an hour for a relatively short piece. I wasn’t sure what would be kept or discarded. I would not see the finished product until it aired. It was short and sweet. I loved the feel and the flow. The camera itself wasn’t kind – I felt I looked pudgy and pale, but this wasn’t about appearances, it was about a message, a mission, so that was inconsequential.
An offer also came in the night before last to hang out and spend some time with a blast from my past. I honestly hesitated at first, my depression and anxiety making me question whether it would be a good idea. My life has been a bit of a mess these last few months as I worked to pull my life back together. I’ve had a lot on my mind and even more weighing on my heart as I worked to heal and move forward. Ultimately, I decided I not only needed this, but I deserved it and agreed to hang out the following night.
Yesterday morning, messages began rolling in about my interview. All wonderful and supportive. I arranged my appointments for next week and scheduled an art class. I got an email that two more pieces of mine were going live on a larger site that was looking to republish a handful of my work. I could feel my Deplin was really starting to work. It doesn’t lessen my depression but it gives me more clarity, more focus, makes it easier to fight. The day was definitely off to a good start.
I’m honestly glad I had arranged to go out last night. I had an incredible time. I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed myself that much. It wasn’t even that we had made incredible, once in a lifetime plans. Everything just fell together perfectly and everything felt right. A large part of it was that I spent the night out with someone who has known me well over twenty five years, someone who I appreciated for being there through some of the hardest times in my life. There was a comfort and security with them. They KNEW me inside and out. I didn’t have to pretend or wear masks. I could be me.
I was smiling and laughing when he dropped me home in the early morning hours, and still smiling and laughing when I woke up today. I found myself craving lasagna and decided to once again treat myself. It has been a day and a half and the smiles are still going strong. The sun is shining and that darkness has been pushed out of sight, for the time being at least.
Days like this feel surreal to me because they’re rare and differ so greatly from the norm. I know my depression will rear it’s ugly head again soon because it always does. Depression has always been my normalcy. But when these beautiful unicorn days appear, I enjoy them thoroughly and cherish each moment because they are truly magical to me.
Even on your darkest days, never lose hope. Never give in to those feelings that everything is horrible, terrible, hopeless and will never get any better. That is the depression talking and it speaks in lies. Stay strong and hold tightly to the memory of past good days and the prospect of new good days to come. Accept that good days aren’t about incredible plans as much as sharing them with good people and appreciating the good that is happening in your life. Good days DO happen and they’re worth holding on for because they make life worth living. Good days aren’t a myth. They may be rare for those of us struggling with depression, but even a blind pig finds themselves a truffle sometimes.